Hogwarts Drama Queens
by Thorion
Summary: It's Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts, and this year is very different from all those before it! Gryffindors and Slytherins still clash, nothing new there, but the reasons are rather unusual...
1. He Was Kinda Kissing Draco

_**Episode One: He Was Kinda Kissing Draco**_

- - -

Disclaimer:

If we owned Harry Potter, he and Draco would regularly be making out in potions class, there would be double beds in the dormitories, Voldemort would spend his time enjoying tea and muffins, Remus and Sirius would get together and life happily ever after, and the première of the Half-Blood Prince movie would most definitely not have been delayed. But the world is a cruel place, so alas, we own none of it. We shall die poor and lonely and without the comfort of Harry and Draco hooking up.

Warnings:

Why anyone would not want to read stories involving smouldering boy on boy action is beyond us. However, should you not, then the Back button is in the top left corner of your screen; use it. This fic is rated R for strong language and a few fairly descriptive sensual scenes, though there is no actual sex.

Authors' Notes:

This is not a story in the traditional sense, it is the first episode of our fun roleplay game over on the Mystforums; we center around Harry and Draco, but also include other pairings every now and then. In this episode, the characters were played by the following: Harry by Thorion, Draco by the one and only Heidi, and Hermione by Annie. Future episodes will be posted, albeit with quite lengthy intervals in between. But enough rambling, let's get it on! No, not _that_ way, you perverts. We meant getting started with the actual story. Shoo!

- - -

_**Harry Potter**_

Hands roaming over smooth white skin, lips pressed closely to those of his boyfriend, Harry moaned in pleasure. He grabbed Draco's silky hair and pulled him closer. Oh, the pleasure, the unbearable pleasure... if only that annoying ringing would stop... what was it anyway? He broke the kiss reluctantly, opened his eyes... and stared right at his magical alarm clock, which was dancing around on his chest in a desperate attempt to wake him up.

Harry grunted in frustration and turned over to go to sleep again, but the alarm clock wasn't having that. It pinched his nose - hard - and continued to ring shrilly. Harry was forced to admit defeat; he sat up, reached for his glasses and looked around. The dorm was already deserted except for Neville, who was snoring peacefully - He must have jumbled up the hours and the minutes again. Honestly. They were in their sixth year, and it was about time he learnt to read a clock properly.

Sighing, Harry pulled on some random clothes from his trunk, threw his alarm clock at Neville to wake him and headed off towards the great hall. He rather missed his bed, but took comfort in the fact that he would see Draco at breakfast. It still seemed so unreal at times... Them getting together several months ago, just after the beginning of term, despite all their differences... Hermione and Ron actually accepting their relationship after so little time... Such unreal happiness, such love, such bliss...

Harry entered the great hall with an extremely goofy grin on his face.

_**Draco Malfoy**_

The last year had been one of the strangest of his life. Last summer he had been so angry and humiliated after his father had received a one-way ticket to Azkaban due to the fiasco raid in the ministry, courtesy of Harry Potter and his Gryffindork cronies. However, when he returned to the manor for the summer, his feelings changed. His mother seemed much more relaxed and pleased and he found it easier to breathe somehow, like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He didn't have to walk on eggshells anymore, always afraid of saying the wrong thing or getting yelled at for not receiving top marks in all his classes; nor was he scolded and accused of being the worst seeker in Slytherin history. Well, he had quit quidditch now thankfully - Those stupid new helmets they had to wear did nothing but flatten and destroy his hair anyway.

He hadn't expected his feelings of hatred towards Potter to change though, but to his surprise he found that he had never really hated him at all; he had actually been quite curious about the Boy Who Lived back in first year. He had felt humiliated and insulted after Potter had refused to take his hand on the Hogwarts Express, but for that little incident to turn into such hatred? No, it had been his father's hatred, his father's views, opinions and cunning, never Draco's.

And then there was the gay thing. He had known for years, ever since he had caught a glimpse of Gryffindor keeper Oliver Wood in the quidditch locker room showers in their third year to be exact. He would never had dared to come out without his father locked safely away, but didn't find it such a risky prospect anymore. It wasn't like he was the only gay student in Hogwarts, and when he had told Blaise and Pansy, they had merely shrugged and said they suspected as much. Apparantly straight boys don't spend two hours in the bathroom every morning, who knew? And Blaise was bi himself, so he wouldn't judge anyone. He had however given Draco a couple of suggestive looks. Draco didn't quite know what to make of that.

And Potter isn't Potter anymore. No, it's Harry now. For five glorious months today. Despite the initial protests of their friends. His first love and boyfriend, his first everything. Draco had a hard time thinking of that particular first without blushing. Five months, wow, that's important. It's not like one, two, three or four months - Five months means you're commited. But where is Harry? He was supposed to meet him in the Great Hall for breakfast fifteen minutes ago. But just then he sees a familiar mop of unruly black hair. Draco crosses his arms, smirks and looks straight into Harry Potter's green eyes.

"You're late!"

_**Harry Potter**_

_"You're late!"_

Harry ignored Draco's comment, however reproachful it sounded. He had heard it often enough by now to have gotten used to it. Instead, he gathered his boyfriend in his arms and planted a sloppy kiss on his lips. The usual squeals of "Oh God, they're so _hot_!" drifted over from the Ravenclaw third year girls, but these too were expertly ignored by the Boy Who Lived. He simply grabbed Draco's hand and pulled him over towards the Gryffindor table.

"The bacon smells delicious today. God, I'm famished."

_**Draco Malfoy**_

"I better let him have his breakfast of champions first, there's no talking to him when he's hungry anyway", Draco thinks fondly to himself.

Draco lets himself be dragged over to the Gryffindor table, whilst glaring at the Ravenclaw girls. Honestly, people should be used to this sight by now, but somehow many of the girls still seems to go slack-jawed and start to drool. No wonder he gave up girls, who could figure them out? He'd rather bow to a hippogriff again than to even consider ever dating a girl.

"Well, we should have a really nice breakfast, it's such a special day after all. And I forgive you for being late... again. I couldn't stay mad at you, not today of all days" He smiles a genuine smile at his boyfriend and gives him a light peck on the lips before sitting down and nodding a polite hello to the other residants of the table.

_**Harry Potter**_

Harry settled down at the Gryffindor table opposite Ron, pulled Draco next to him and pounced on the bacon and eggs with the ferocity of a half-starved Hungarian Horntail. Draco was talking beside him, but Harry's attention was focussed completely on his breakfast - the one thing that could distract him from his boyfriend. All those years of watching Dudley eat did that to you, Harry reckoned. Heh.

Draco was still talking.  
_"...a special day after all. And I forgive you for being late... again. I couldn't stay mad at you, not today of all days."_

"Wha' s'ecial day...?" Harry asked distractedly, in between mouthfuls.

_**Draco Malfoy**_

For the first time that morning Draco gave his boyfriend a thorough lookover. Could he be more oblivious? And he seemed much more interested in a stupid breakfast than Draco. Hmm, could it be an act? Did Harry just pretend he had forgotten their special day just to surprise the hell out of him later? No, definitely not. One thing Draco had learned for sure about his boyfriend these last five months, Harry couldn't keep a straight face when he was excited about something to save himself.

Draco's eyes narrowed while they took in Harry's appearance more carefully. He looked like he had all but fallen out of bed only minutes ago. The clothes Harry had picked for wearing indicated that he would need to replace those glasses with a guide dog in the very near future. And the hair was more unruly than ever. Not that he minded the hair, Harry pulled off that shaggy look surprisingly well. Mmm, Harry had actually turned into a sexy beast this last year. He had grown past Draco with about two inches, and he had muscles! Who would've thought? And he looked so gooood in the tight Calvin Klein boxers Draco loved to buy for him. Had he known about muggle designer clothing earlier, Draco would have attacked Harrods like teenage girls attacked the Weird Sisters. Draco's eyes had turned quite dreamy now thinking about his boyfriends sexy body clad in only tight boxers, showing off another attribute Draco had grown quite fond of as well. He blushed slightly and shook his head to clear his mind.

_"Wha' s'ecial day...?"_

"Harry?" he cooed in his sweetest voice "you do know what day it is today, don't you honey?" He looked at his boyfriend with hopeful grey eyes while worrying his bottom lip.

_**Harry Potter**_

"_Harry? ...you do know what day it is today, don't you honey?"_

Something in Draco's voice made Harry look up. Large, round eyes were staring up at him, and Draco was worrying his bottom lip... In that moment, Draco reminded Harry suspiciously of Dobby when he was extremely anxious...

Harry's brow furrowed as he tried to remember what Draco could be talking of, but his mind stayed blank. Quidditch? Nah. Did they have anything planned? Nah. Think, Potter, think! But it was no good. Try as he might, his mind stayed blank.

A tentative smile in Draco's direction. "Umm... no?"

_**Draco Malfoy**_

Draco couldn't belive his ears. And on the other side of the table Hermione looked up from her book and seemed like she wanted to jump over and clamp a hand over Harry's mouth to shut him up before he got himself into even more trouble. Even Ron seemed to realise that the shit was about to hit the fan because he suddenly seemed very interested in Hermione's "A History of Magic" book - a book which, Draco knew, Ron usually only used to kill spiders.

His grey eyes darkened and turned into slits, he stood up abruptly and faced his confused looking boyfriend.

"_Harry James Potter_" he shrieked, while poking a perfectly manicured finger into Harry's chest. "don't _tell_ me you have forgotten about our five month anniversary?"

_**Harry Potter**_

Uh oh. Draco was rather frightening when he got angry. ...Actually, he was also deliciously sexy - those stormy eyes, those flushed cheeks, that slightly trembling voice - but Harry knew better than to tell Draco that while he was still in rage. The one time he had tried had ended in a rather painful regrowth of testicles... err, best not to think about it. He needed to focus on the danger at hand and find a way to calm Draco...

With another tentative smile, Harry reached carefully towards his boyfriend. "Nah, of course not, darling..." - Not convincing. At all. Draco glared at him and jerked his arm away. - "Well, umm... maybe... err... maybe I did... but honey, anniversaries don't mean anything, they're just dates... You know that I love you anyway, don't you?"

His attention focussed on Draco, Harry didn't notice how his little speech made Hermione bang her head against her transfiguration book - hard - nor how Ron slowly slid downwards to take refuge under the table...

_**Draco Malfoy**_

_"A__nniversaries don't mean anything, they're just dates... "_

"_What?_ I can't belive you just said that to me! Next you'll be telling me you don't have anything planned for Valentines Day next week either? Well I've got news for you, Mr. Saviour of the Wizarding World, you _don't_! At least not with me. Apparantly I'm good enough to warm your bed but not worthy of a simple five month anniversary celebration, I guess that's just too much hassle! And don't give me any of that I love you anyway nonsense, if you really loved me I would be opening my anniversary present right now instead of doing this...!"

Somewhere deep down Draco knew he was being a tad irrational, but this was his insecurities coming to the surface. There was always that nagging little voice in his head saying he really wasn't good enough for someone like Harry, who could have anyone he wanted. After being told down by his father his whole life it was hard for Draco to surpress those feelings. But right now his anger won out. He jerked his arm away from Harry's touch, his bangs had fallen into his eyes who were now blazing. He grabbed the plate that stood closest to him, containing the uneaten breakfast of one bewildered looking Seamus Finnigan. He barely registered the shock in his boyfriends eyes as he threw the plate's contents smack into his face!

"You wanted breakfast, did you? Well enjoy!"

Draco took one final hurt look at his boyfriend, who now had soggy eggs dripping from his hair and a piece of bacon dangling from his glasses, before he turned on his heels and stormed away, looks of amusement and shock followed him towards the entrance.

_**Hermione Granger**_

Hermione rubbed her head where she had hit it with her transfiguration book after Harry's attempted recovery from forgetting his and Draco's fifth month anniversary. She could only bear to listen to Draco's reaction, not see all the anger and hurt on his face as he expressed his emotions. Instead, she took great interest in the empty plate sitting in front of her on the table. Fascinating things, plates.

_"You wanted breakfast, did you? Well enjoy!" _

Hermione looked up then to see that Draco had thrown Seamus' breakfast in Harry's face. Draco was now walking off towards the entrance, looking very hurt.

Hermione turned to Harry, "You can be thicker than Ron sometimes, you know that Harry." Ron was resurfacing and making sounds of protest at her comment but she ignored him. "How could you forget your anniversary? Especially after what happened the last time you forgot. Are you just going to sit there or are you going to go after him?"

_**Harry Potter**_

Harry watched Draco run off - as well as he could in between the bacon and mashed potatoes covering his glasses - and blinked, a stray bit of egg catching on his left eyelash as he did so. For a moment he wavered between crying and exploding with rage, but Hermione's typical know-it-all comment tipped the scales in favour of the latter.

"Shut up, will you? I have no idea why he's making such a fuss! It is only a date, after all. What's so bloody important, huh? And there's no need to act so smart, either!"

The second the words had left his mouth, Harry felt rather ashamed for shouting at Hermione like that. It wasn't her fault, after all. He lowered his head sheepishly. "Sorry, I didn't mean that. It's just... Oh, bugger it! - I'm going to my dorm, I need some peace and quiet..."

He stood up before she could protest and stormed off down the great hall, promptly bumping into Dumbledore, who was on his way to the staff table. "Dear, dear, my boy", Dumbledore commented, "it won't do to run around with bacon on your glasses. You'll end up stepping on some poor first year..." He waved his wand carelessly and scourgified Harry, then continued on his way to the staff table as if nothing had happened, and it was perfectly normal to bump into Harry with a full english breakfast draped over his head. Harry goggled after him for a second before turning and heading for Gryffindor tower... to quietly cry his eyes out.

_**Draco Malfoy**_

This was the worst anniversary ever. Draco had withdrawn to his dorm where he resorted to sulking furiously in his bed with the drapes shut and a silencing charm surrounding him. He did not want to deal with other people right now. Beside him an almost empty box of Honeydukes finest fudge chocolates, the stuffed lion Harry had bought for him on their first date and a lot of used tissues. Not that he had been crying or anything mind you, no, his eyes and nose was just a bit moist, damn allergies.

He should have known it was too good to be true, for Harry to make an effort to celebrate a simple anniversary - just another date, as he said. And it wasn't like it was the first time he had forgotten either. Draco did not appreciate being taken for granted. In his heart he knew that Harry loved him, but he needed some kind of reassurance from time to time. He hated himself for being so needy and insecure. Draco buried his face in his soft plushie lion, it smelled like Harry. Maybe because Draco had sprayed a bit of Harry's cologne on it... He remembered the absolutely adoring look Harry had given him when he had done that. Damn, his eyes were getting moist again, stupid allergies.

All of a sudden, inspiration struck him; there was a foolproof way of making Harry show his true feelings. Not many people knew this, but Harry Potter had a major green chest monster inside him. It was sleeping most of the time, but when it was awoken it was a force to be reckoned with. Draco smirked to himself, eyes sparkling with mischief. This was the solution - He was going to wake up the chest monster.

_**Harry Potter**_

This was the worst day ever. Harry had withdrawn to his dorm where he resorted to sulking furiously in his bed with the drapes shut and a silencing charm surrounding him. He did not want to deal with other people right now. Beside him an almost empty box of Honeydukes finest fudge chocolates, the cute, cuddly stuffed snake Draco had bought for him on their first date and quite a few used tissues.

Harry lay down on his back, his breathing shallow, chest rising and falling rapidly, sadness and irritation tainting his soul. Mental images of Draco kept crossing his mind, each of them boring a stake into his heart and making him wince in pain and anger. But in time, Harry's exhaustion took over and, with his alarm clock safely out of reach on Neville's bed, he slowly drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

_**Draco Malfoy**_

Draco walked into the Great Hall for a little late lunch, dressed to perfection. He wore a low cut bluejeans that sat just right on his hips and hugged his arse nicely, a black tight button down shirt who complimented his fair skin and showed off his slightly toned torso, and a pair of Prada boots. He had styled his hair so it was a bit tossled and made his bangs fall into his eyes. Around his neck he wore a silver chain which captured the colour of his eyes perfectly. Draco may have his insecurities, but his looks were not one of them. And right now he knew he looked good enough to eat. This was going to be almost too easy.

He sauntered towards the Slytherin table, quite aware of the lustful stares from both genders that followed in his wake. He threw a quick glanze over at the Gryffindor table, but no Harry in sight - Perfect! Lavender and Parvati were there though, and Hogwarts two biggest gossip girls were just what he needed now. Arriving at the Slytherin table he dropped down next to Blaise and gave him a dazzling smile. He knew Blaise wanted to get into his pants quite badly; he hadn't wanted to deal with that fact earlier, but now it came in handy. Blaise looked like christmas had come early and immediatly moved a little bit closer. Draco was well aware of the fact that Blaise knew what had happened between him and Harry at breakfast that morning and that Blaise would waste no time in trying to eliminate Harry from the picture.

"You look really sexy tonight Draco" Blaise whispered in his ear, "And you smell really sweet as well, mind if I take just a little nibble just to check if you taste just as sweet?" Draco had to fight not to roll his eyes at such a cheesy pick-up line. Blaise was Hogwarts biggest playboy, he should really consider upping his material somewhat. But right now it didn't matter, it made things just that much easier. He didn't answer, just shrugged and smiled again, taking a little bite of his rolls. When he felt Blaise's arms wrap around his waist and a mouth nibbling lightly on his neck he stiffened slightly, but didn't push the other boy away. And when he saw Lavender and Parvati hurrying out of the hall while whispering furiously to each other he got a sick feeling of triumph. Word would surely get back to Harry now.

_**Harry Potter**_

Voices. Girlish voices. Excited, too. And someone was prodding him. Actually, they were feeling his muscles quite a bit in the process, too... - What the...? Harry jerked upright, glasses askew, and glared at Lavender and Parvati, who had been busy petting and stroking him while chattering madly.

"What the hell is going on?!"

The girls drew their hands away at the tone of his voice, but continued chattering like mad.

"Harry, you'll never guess what we just saw..."

"It was shocking..."

"But so hot!"

"What were you thinking, falling asleep at a time like that, huh?"

"Oh, shut it, you stupid alarm clock!"

"Pff, I'll won't wake you in time for potions tomorrow, let's see who's stupid then!"

"Your alarm clock can talk? Ooh, how cute!"

"Gerroff me, human!"

"So what did you want to tell me? Goddamnit."

"Oh yes, that. It was soo hot, Harry!"

"But like, I'm not sure you'll appreciate it..."

"Cause well..."

"Yes?"

"You see, the thing is..."

"It's rather awkward actually..."

"Get to the bloody point, will you?"

"Well, you see... umm, at lunch..."

"Blaise was, well, umm... kinda... err, well... kissing Draco."

Silence. Even his alarm clock knew when not to anger the Boy Who Lived by ticking. Harry's eyes turned to slits, and when he spoke, his voice was dangerously calm.

"Tell me that i just heard you wrong."

Parvati cleared her throat nervously. "Umm, I'm afraid you didn't, Harry..."

That was all the explanation Harry needed. With a growl, he exploded in a bundle of anger, sending sparks flying everywhere. Before Lavender and Parvati's very eyes, he did the impossible and apparated within the boundaries of Hogwarts. With a crack he appeared right outside the great hall - Only to see Draco stroll out of its doors with Zabini's arm wrapped around his waist.

The chest monster that had until then been peacefully sleeping in Harry's chest gave a roar of fury, claws and teeth and fur standing off in all directions. Ignoring the frightened looks on both the Slytherins' faces, Harry stalked towards them, his wand pointed straight at Zabini's heart.

"_What_ is the meaning of this?!"

_**Draco Malfoy**_

Both the Slytherin boys were startled when they heard a loud crack and Harry appeared seemingly out of nowhere. As Harry walked straight towards them Draco's mind fleetingly considered the fact that maybe he had gone too far this time. His green eyes were blazing and the air around him vibrating. It was dead scary and the hottest thing Draco had ever seen - In fact, it was almost enough to make him cast an Aguamenti over his own head to cool off.

_"What is the meaning of this?"_

Draco had to give Blaise some credit - Most people would have crumbled to the ground faced with Harry Potter's wand pointed at their hearts. He did look a bit shaken, but he stood his ground and merely sneered at Harry. "Okay", Draco thought, "either he's got more balls than I ever gave him credit for, or it's sheer stupidity." He opted for the latter.

"Well Potter, if you must know, me and Draco were just about to take a stroll through the grounds... Not that it's any of your business" Blaise replied in a forcibly bored voice. "Now kindly let us pass". He tightened his hold on Draco's waist - It actually hurt a bit. Draco winced slightly. He had yet to look Harry in the eyes, afraid of what he might find there.

_**Hermione Granger**_

Hermione was sitting in the common room looking over her potions essay after having an early lunch with Ron. Neither had seen Harry since he had walked out of the Great Hall at breakfast. Ron had confirmed that he was still sulking on his bed with the drapes drawn after they had come in from lunch. Ron was now seated next to Hermione working on his own essay for Snape.

Hermione looked up when the Fat Lady's portrait swung open to admitt a chatty and giggling Lavender and Parvati. She put her head back down to her essay but after a few seconds was interupted again by Ron tapping her on the arm.

"Umm, Hermione. Lavender and Parvati just went up the stairs to the boys dorms"

"Dont be silly, why would they do that?"

"Do you really think I'd be telling you if I knew that?"

In response, Hermione put her potions book and essay on the table infront of her and headed for the boy dormitories herself with Ron following closely behind. She reached the sixth year's dorm to find the door slightly ajar. Ron went to push it open but Hermione grabbed his wrist and whispered "No, lets just listen to what they have to say"

_Before Lavender and Parvati's very eyes, Harry did the impossible and apparated within the boundaries of Hogwarts._

Hearing, the resounding crack typical of apparition, Hermione looked at Ron in shock. 'Did he just do what I think he just did?' she asked gasped before turning to the door and pushing it open. She saw that Lavender and Parvati were staring at the stop where Harry must have stood only seconds before. Hermione didn't wait to see what Ron's reaction was - She headed straight back down the stairs and out of the common room. She took the most direct route she knew to the Great Hall to try and stop Harry from doing something he might regret later.

_**Harry Potter**_

_"Well Potter, i__f you must know, me and Draco were just about to take a stroll through the grounds; not that it's any of your business. Now kindly let us pass."_

Harry's chest monster gave a growl that made the very walls of the entrance hall shake. His wand hand shaking, Harry was about to round on Draco and demand an explanation when he noticed Zabini tighten his grip around Draco's waist and the latter winced ever so slightly in pain. That was enough for Harry. His protective side roared up within him even loader than his chest monster and with a jab of his wand in Zabini's direction he yelled: "Serpensortia!"

A snake the length of a small bus errupted from his wand and looked at Harry as if asking what to do next. Eyes narrowed to snakelike slits himself, Harry began talking in Parseltongue. "Ssse one on ssse left. Sssat bitsssch", he hissed, and the snake promptly slithered towards Zabini with a low hiss, its tongue flickering hungrily.

Harry's voice was dangerously calm and as cold as ice as he glared at Zabini. "And now my dear, it isss time to ssstri-"

_**Draco Malfoy**_

_"Ssse one on ssse left. Sssat bitsssch"_

Oh dear Merlin, not Parseltongue. Draco had heard it lots of times before, but in much more satisfying situations. He would've been royally turned on by now if it wasn't for the fact of that large scary snake slithering towards himself and Blaise. Draco didn't understand what Harry was saying and became terrified. He hated snakes - not a good thing for a Slytherin, he knew, but there you go. He didn't really like the plushie snake he had bought for Harry either, but Harry loved it so he let it be.

He started to wriggle frantically to get out of Blaise's grip, which by now had tightened even worse. There would be bruises, he just knew. He chose this moment to finally look Harry in the eyes, his own wide with terror and regret.

"Harry, please, just make that thing go away, we'll work this out. Please" he pleaded while pushing at Blaise to let him go.

_**Harry Potter**_

Draco was saying something, but Harry didn't listen.

"And now my dear, it isss time to ssstrike! Kill ssse bassstard, make him sssuffer..."

The snake slowly drew itself up to its full hight...

...out of the corner of his eye, Harry noticed Draco trying to wriggle free from Zabini's grip...

...the snake drew back its head and hissed loudly...

...wriggle free from Zabini's... what?! Zabini was forcefully holding Draco?!

A new wave of anger surged up in Harry, and without thinking he swept his wand around in one long fluid movement away from Draco...

...the snake lunged at Zabini...

...just as the latter was thrown forcefully away from Draco and crashed headfirst into the stone wall of the entrance hall.

The snake missed Zabini by inches and spluttered in disappointment, while Zabini slid to the floor several feet away with a sickening crunch. He mumbled something about stars, stripes and Flitwick in a thong before passing out, but Harry didn't even glance at him. After all, he was lucky to have avoided the snake's killing blow. Instead, Harry focussed his attention on the blonde who was still standing, albeit looking like he might swoon any moment.

"I repeat, Draco: _What_ is the meaning of this?"

The snake slithered back towards Harry, coiled around his legs and hissed dangerously in Draco's direction.

_**Hermione Granger**_

Hermione ran into the entrance hall at full pace, only to realize that she was too late to prevent the full outburst of Harry's anger. Zabini, who had obviously been the victim of said outburst, was lying crumpled in a corner; but no one was paying him any attention. Rather more disturbing was the ginormous snake coiling around Harry - It looked like it could swallow Hagrid whole, and that was saying something.

Hermione drew her wand whilst running and chanted "Evanesco" - The snake promptly disappeared.

"_Harry!_ Will you never learn not to play with things that have minds of their own?"

_**Harry Potter**_

Harry would very much have liked to scold Hermione for banishing his new pet snake. He had it very well under control, thank you, and besides, it was _cute_ as hell. He would have called it Miniscula, and it could have slept at the foot end of his bed! How could anyone have the heart to banish it?! Only the more pressing issue of Draco kept him from commenting; instead he kept glaring at his boyfriend, waiting for a response.

_**Draco Malfoy**_

Draco stood rooted to the spot, staring in shock at the spot where the huge snake had vanished. Then he chanced a look at his furious boyfriend, at a very irritated Hermione and finally, at the unconcious Blaise. He considered the fact that this may not be one of the brightest plans he had ever come up with, because however you chose to look at it, this whole mess was really his fault, with the stupid jealousy plan. Harry was supposed to come storming into the Great Hall, have a face-off with Blaise and profess his undying love for Draco. Funny how the worst laid plans failed.

This was the moment in which the Slytherin duo stupido ordinare decided to make their appearance. Crabbe and Goyle had finally finished lunch and stepped out of the Great Hall, probably to find someone to bully - All that food intake had to be worked off somehow. For once Draco was glad to see them, and gathered his wits enough to ask them to take Blaise up into the hospital wing to be checked over by Madam Pomfrey. As usual they didn't ask any questions, Crabbe just flung Blaise unceremoniously over his shoulder and they trotted off. "If Pomfrey asked what happened just tell her he ran into a stray hex from one of his numerous exes, she'll have no trouble believing that" he yelled after them.

The aftershock of what had happened started to dawn on him, he shook a little so he wrapped his arms around himself to try and stop it, all the while averting his eyes away from Harry's intense glaring. He very much resembled a kicked puppy. Finally, he drew his breath; Harry was waiting impatiantly for his explanation.

"Please Harry you have to belive me I swear I never cheated on you we never even kissed it was just a stupid attempt to make you jealous so that you'd say you love me and then that huge ugly snake turned up and please you have to belive that I never intended for this to happen I just love you so much and I'm so scared of losing you and then sometimes that makes me do stupid things please forgive me" he said without breathing. Merlin, could he be more pathetic, he thought. "I'm so very sorry" he added in a whisper.

_**Harry Potter**_

Harry stood glowering at Draco. The bastard even had the cheek to take care of Blaise before answering him, for hell's sake! Harry tapped his foot angrily. Well, stomped, more like, actually. Stomped so hard that the ground shook. Oops.

_"If Pomfrey asked what happened just tell her he ran into a stray hex from one of his numerous exes, she'll have no trouble beliving that"_, Draco yelled after Crabbe and Goyle as they carried Blaise away. Harry was just about to make a nasty snide remark about not being one of Blaise's exes, as opposed to a certain someone standing opposite him apparantly, when Draco looked at him with his patented puppy-eyes look and started gushing about how he had just tried to make Harry jealous. The latter listened in surprise, not sure whether to scream, laugh or cry. But then -

_"I'm so very sorry"_, whispered Draco...

Harry started in shock. Draco never apologized! It just didn't fit... it...

...and then suddenly, he was upon him, hugging him, whispering words of forgiveness, of apology for forgetting their anniversary, and then their lips met and the hall around them faded and Hermione's scolding didn't matter anymore and it was heaven and...

"Bloody hell", said Ron upon entering the hall. "Do they _have_ to do that in public?"

_**Draco Malfoy**_

Draco almost felt like crying out of sheer relief. He really thought he had gone too far this time, and that his stupid, thoughtless actions would cost him his boyfriend, his Harry. It felt so good to be in Harry's arms again, hearing his soothing words and the feel of those soft, warm lips on his forehead, nose, neck, cheeks and last on his mouth. Draco gave back as good as he got, and when he felt a tounge lightly caressing his lips he eagerly opened up and met it with his own. Mmm, he could just kiss his sexy boyfriend forever. He tightened his hold around Harry's neck, afraid that if he let up his grip Harry would somehow disappear.

"I'm truly sorry Harry" he whispered in his boyfriends ear. "I never let him kiss me on the mouth, I swear. Only you, never anyone else. I don't care about the anniversary, it doesn't matter, you show me every day that you care, I was just being stupid and making a big fuss." He was now hugging Harry so tight that the Boy Who Lived was in serious danger of being suffocated. Harry was however, saved by the bell...

_"Bloody hell", said Ron upon entering the hall. "Do they have to do that in public?"_

Draco looked over Harry's shoulder at a slightly green Ronald Weasley. "Weasley" he sneered, "you're almost as subtle as Hagrid twirling through the Great Hall wearing a pink tutu!" He then looked up at his boyfriend and smiled sweetly. "Harry, love, can we please go somewhere a bit more private, I would really like to make this whole ordeal up to you, somehow." He licked his swollen lips and looked at Harry suggestively, completely ignoring the gagging noises now coming from the weasel.

_**Harry Potter**_

"_Harry, love, can we please go somewhere a bit more private, I would really like to make this whole ordeal up to you, somehow."_

Harry grinned. Now that was an offer he couldn't refuse. He pulled Draco away from a spluttering Ron and a giggling Hermione, and they ran off hand in hand.

They soon reached the dungeons, and Harry barely registered how Draco cried out the password to the Slytherin common room - "Salazar is a Sex God" - nor how they raced through it and into Draco's dorm, nor how they cast a locking charm on the door. All he knew was that they had somehow ended up on Draco's bed and that his boyfriend was now squirming in anticipation beneath him.

Harry leaned forward and captured his mouth in a searing kiss. All the pent up emotions of the day were let out as their tongues fought mercilessly for domination, and when they finally broke the kiss both of them were out of breath. Draco gasped as Harry's lips descended again, this time fiercly sucking and licking at his neck. In one swift movement, Harry tore open Draco's robes and descended even further, his lips finding a nipple, caressing it, his tongue swirling around it and his teeth finally biting it softly. Draco moaned and arched into the touch, whimpering when the soft lips lost contact, only to groan again in extasy as they moved even further down.

His zipper flew open to Harry's expert hands and he felt his boyfriend's hot breath just... _there_... And then Harry looked up and locked his eyes on Draco's. That one moment was enough to convey all their true feelings, all their true love, and Draco knew that the events of the day were well and truely forgotten.

With a mischievous grin, Harry lowered his eyes again, opened his mouth and leaned forward.

- - -

The End of Episode One

Reviews light up our day and make Harry remember his and Draco's next anniversary! ;)


	2. The Storeroom Incident

_**Interlude One: The Storeroom Incident**_

- - -

Disclaimer:

Guess what? This is a fanfiction site. If any of this belonged to me, I would hardly be posting here, would I now? Nope. Forsooth, I bow before the awesomeness that is Madame Rowling.

Warnings:

Slash, homosexuality, male-on-male action, nanciness, yaoi, you name it. Fairly graphic, though nothing much below the belt. If you don't like, don't read.

Author's Notes:

Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last episode, we love you all! This is a shortish interlude by Thorion; the next chapter will be up shortly, once again in roleplay format by both Heidi and Thorion. And yes, I did just talk of myself in third person there. Choke on it.

- - -

_**The Storeroom Incident**_

Looking back on what they later referred to as The Storeroom Incident, Draco would always place the blame entirely on Harry. "After all", he would say haughtily, "you were the one plebian enough to drag me into that stupid storeroom in the first place."

Harry would smirk at him, completely unabashed, and tell him that if Draco hadn't been shooting him flirtatious glances all day long, then he wouldn't have been in such a hurry to get him naked, thank you very much.

But no matter whose fault it was, they ended up in the abandoned storeroom on the second floor; Draco was pressed firmly against the wall and Harry was sucking on his neck as if his life depended on it, completely ignoring the blonde's initial protests about hickeys and having to wear turtlenecks for a week.

It was just when Draco's complaints had given way to moans that Albus Dumbledore popped his head through the door. Draco squeaked in shock, but could not bring up the force to push Harry off him; the Saviour of the Wizarding World had taken a rather intense liking to the spot just below Draco's right ear and was to be distracted by nothing. Draco, on the other hand, was too mortified to even stutter out an excuse.

Dumbledore, however, simply twinkled those annoyingly blue eyes at him. "Greetings, Mister Malfoy. I believed this to be the room Argus uses to store his whips." He looked around the room curiously. "But it appears that I was mistaken. Good day, gentlemen." And with that he bowed slightly, closed the door behind him and left Draco wondering what on earth the good-natured headmaster would need whips for. He tried very hard not to think of Professor McGonagall - He did _not_ need that particular mental image...

Harry's teeth scraping along his earlobe snapped Draco out of his revery.

"Oh sweet Merlin", he whispered, "I can't believe that Dumbledore, of all people, just walked in on us snogging. Thank God we still had our clothes on..."

Harry hardly even looked up, his concentration again focussed on Draco's neck. "Speaking of clothes... Let's get them off you."

For some reason, this proposal made all thoughts of Dumbledore vanish from Draco's mind.

Harry growled an incantation and Draco felt his designer shirt rip in two and fall to the floor. His brand new Gladrags Gold shirt, no less. But then Harry's teeth closed on his nipple, and suddenly designer shirts were no longer important.

Hermione Granger chose just that moment to enter the storeroom in search of a quiet place to study. She rolled her eyes upon spotting Harry and Draco. "Honestly! You do know that intercourse is against the school rules? And in a public place like this, too!" She shook her head and gave them a critical once-over. "I hope you're at least using proper protection? There are numerous sexually transmitted diseases, you know, both wizarding and muggle. You should use a condom as well as magical protection, just to be on the safe side. This book I found in the library said that if you..."

Draco lost track of Hermione's lecture as Harry's mouth left his nipple to ghost over his chest towards his stomach. Gods, how could his boyfriend be so oblivious to what was happening around them? He could only hope that Hermione would leave sometime soon, else --

"Oh _bloody buggering hell_, don't you two _ever_ stop?! Eww!"

Ron Weasley edged into the storeroom, doing his best to look anywhere but at Harry and Draco. "Hermione", he whined, "I was looking all over the place for you, what are you doing _here_? Come on, I need your help with my transfiguration homework." Clearly anxious to get away from Harry and Draco as soon as possible, he didn't wait for a reply, but simply dragged Hermione out of the room. Draco heard her shout one last warning, something about protection and prevention, before the door slammed shut and he was left alone with Harry once more.

Draco made a mental note to thank Ronald later. But right now, Harry's tongue was doing _something_ to his navel and it really shouldn't be feeling this good but _oh_ it did and ...

"Oh look, here they are!" exclaimed Ginny Weasley, bouncing into the room in company of Pansy Parkinson. She smirked at Draco. "You could hear Ron bellowing like a Minotaur all the way to the Great Hall."

Draco threw back his head in a mixture of passion and frustration. "Then _why_ in the name of Mordred did you come up here?" he ground out in between gasps. Pansy stared at him as if he had grown a second head. "Isn't it _obvious_?" She nonchalantly summoned two seats and a huge bag of popcorn. "You two are _so_ hot together!"

Harry chose that moment to give a long, gutteral moan. The girls drooled and wriggled in their seats, leaning forward in anticipation as Harry's mouth headed steadily further south. Draco decided it was time for drastic measures.

"Pansy", he choked out, "if you do not leave _immediately_, I will never again lend you _any_ of my hair products." He ignored her frightened gasp and ploughed right on. "And you, Weaslette... If you do not leave us alone, I shall owl your mother and tell her _all_ about that orgy you had wi-"

"A threesome is _not_ an orgy!" the youngest Weasley protested indignantly.

Draco merely raised his eyebrows at her - which was quite a feat, considering how the Saviour of he Wizarding World was somehow opening his belt buckle with his _mouth_. But apparently, Ginny got the message. Still grumbling, she flounced out of the storeroom, pulling a reluctant Pansy with her. With a final pout and a glare, they were gone. And not a moment too soon, for Harry had disposed of Draco's belt and was now starting to work on his trousers. And even through the cloth of his designer underwear, Draco could feel that tongue probing and swirling and...

_Flash!_

Colin Creevey's camera went off

"Merlin's pants!" Draco exclaimed, "Is this some sort of public crossroad?!"

"Sorry!" squealed Creevey. "I just thought, everyone's always talking about you two, so like, I thought I could get a photo and you could, like, both sign it and then..." He trailed off at the look on Draco's face. "Err... I'll ask you about it later then?" And with that, he turned tail and ran.

Draco rested his head against the wall. Next time he was going to keep Harry off him long enough to cast the appropriate silence and locking charms on every single opening in the room. But right now, the only thing of importance was what exactly Harry was doing with his tongue and three fingers and thank God that no one was interrupting them _now_...

It wasn't until they were lying on the floor in an exhausted bundle of limbs, an hour and a half later, that Draco found the strength to scold his boyfriend for having been so ignorant to all the people strolling into the storeroom. Harry merely blinked.

"Huh? People? What people?"

And somehow, Draco found as he snuggled closer, he didn't have the heart to keep scolding him right now. It was definitely all Harry's fault, and he'd make sure to remind him of that fact constantly... but it could wait.

...Neither of them had noticed Blaise Zabini, freshly recovered from the injuries Harry had given him in the entrance hall the day before, as he peered around the door of the storeroom shortly after Colin Creevey had left. They did not notice the look of pure hatred on his face, nor the malicious grin that lit up his features as he finally slunk away, muttering about revenge and Amortentia love potions...

- - -

The End of Interlude One

Reviews light up our day and let Harry and Draco have a bit of privacy! ;)


	3. What Rhymes With Cucumber?

_**Episode Two, Part One: What Rhymes With Cucumber?**_

- - -

Disclaimer:

We hereby aimlessly announce, solemnly swear and pompously proclaim that we disclaim liability and ability, herald abnormality and eliminate virginity. We do not aim to maim the fame or property of Madame Rowling, thus disclaiming any claim via this disclaimer. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Warnings:

The usual slash warning. There's also a rather unusual pairing in this episode, but fear not; Harry and Draco will make an appearance in Part Two, which will follow soon.

Authors' Notes:

In this episode, Thorion mainly played Blaise, while Heidi wrote most of Ron's parts. We'd like to dedicate it to our lovely friend Gem, wishing her all the best at university!

- - -

_**Blaise Zabini**_

Blaise carefully schooled his features into an expression of friendly neutrality as he approached the Gryffindor table, where Draco was sitting with that bloody git Potter. He cleared his throat with just the right amount of nervousness shining through, and smiled innocently at the suspicious green eyes glaring up at him.

"Umm... I just wanted to say sorry for my behaviour the other day, in the entrance hall. It was completely uncalled for, I don't know what came over me... I hope you'll be able to forgive me?"

Sorry, my ass. Insert cute fluffy puppies with vampire fangs here, please. But hey, Gryffindors were easy to fool. As long as Draco was distracted for the moment... and indeed... yes, it had worked! A quick nonverbal, the overstrong dose of Amortentia Love Potion was levitated straight into Draco's pumpkin juice, and the blonde was none the wiser. Blaise didn't even keep track of what Potter answered him, he automatically responded, then excused himself and hurried out of the great hall. Next time he saw Draco, things were going to be a lot of fun...

_**Ron Weasley**_

Ron rushed into the Great Hall and made a beeline for the Gryffindor table, accidently knocking into Hufflepuff Ernie MacMillan's head with his elbow on the way and causing poor Ernie to take a nosedive into his breakfast porridge. Spluttering an apology Ron hurried along.

"Bloody hell, Harry, are you so lovestruck you don't even remember we have an early quidditch practice this morning?" Ron asked his best friend, while trying to catch his breath from having run all the way from the quidditch pitch. "For a captain you're not exactly setting a good example you know, you're now twenty minutes late already. Get a move on!" Ron looked slightly impatient while Harry gave Draco a hurried kiss and sprinted off to the Gryffindor Tower to change into his quidditch gear.

"Merlin, what a way to start the day, I didn't even get to eat breakfast" Ron complained while drying the sweat off his forehead with his sleeve. "Oh, goodie, pumpkin juice, I'm dying of thirst!" He grabbed the nearest glass and drained it. "Whoops, sorry Malfoy, I thought it was Harry's; you better get a refill" Ron said as he saw the murderous look on Draco's face. He felt a bit dizzy all of a sudden, but shrugged it off as the lack of his normal, huge breakfast. He shook his head slightly and followed Harry out of the Great Hall, passing a porridge dripping Ernie MacMillan on his way back out.

_**Blaise Zabini**_

Blaise decided to spend the day in the library. Once the potion had taken effect, Draco would be sure to come and find him. In the meantime, he could catch up on his reading.

Humming softly to himself, he settled down and pulled out his favourite book, 'How To Seduce Anything from Snails to Centaurs'.

_**Ron Weasley**_

After dinner that night Ron was walking back to Gryffindor Tower. He had felt somewhat dizzy and a bit nauseous all day and thus hadn't eaten much; two helpings of shepherd's pie, two pieces of treacle tart and three eclairs. If this kept up he'd soon be a skinny-arse like Malfoy, he thought with worry.

He was passing the library and stopped dead in his tracks. All of a sudden, he felt a strong urge to go inside - an urge he could honestly say he never felt before. The only reason he was ever inside the library was when Hermione dragged him along, kicking and screaming.

Opening the door, Ron stepped carefully inside. He looked around and almost thought the place was empty, but suddenly he became aware of someone sitting alone by a table.

Blaise Zabini, bloody hell! Ron let out a huge sigh, felt his eyes glaze over and his heart flutter with joy. Well, if Blaise wasn't the most beautiful creature on Merlin's green earth. That wonderful tanned skin, the mysterious dark eyes, the shiny dark hair that Ron was sure felt like silk. He sighed again, walked over to the table Blaise was sitting and all but fell into a chair opposite him. He put his elbows up on the table, held his head up in his hands and stared dreamily at the other boy.

"You know Blaise, you look really hot reading. Ever considered wearing reading glasses though? I bet you'd look even hotter, if that's possible," he said in a dreamy kind of voice and kept looking lovestruck at Blaise.

_**Blaise Zabini**_

"_You know Blaise, you look really hot reading, ever considered we__aring reading glasses though? I bet you'd look even hotter if that's possible"_

A dreamy voice interrupted Blaise's reading. Was it possible that the potion had already taken effect? Ooh. He hadn't been expecting it to work until later tonight, maybe even tomorrow, but if Draco was already under its magic now, that meant he was in for a very interesting evening... Blaise was picturing all the yummy things they could do as he looked up...

...and found himself face to face with the Weasley git.

What the hell. Had someone pulled a prank and befuddled that ginger looser? Or was he trying to pull his own prank by hitting on him? Weird shit. Blaise did his best to look totally neutral - rather hard, as he was quite disgusted by the mental images which Weasley's words had put into his head - and turned back to his book.

"Fuck off, Weasel."

_**Ron Weasley**_

Ron looked happily at the other boy. Imagine, he was already giving him petnames. And here he thought he'd never liked being called 'Weasel'... but somehow it was music to his ears. Blaise was a total and utter sweetheart.

"Do you know you have the most perfect lips, Blaisey? It's like they're just waiting to be kissed... by me." He reached out his hand to cup Blaise's cheek, almost feeling it's softness already.

_**Blaise Zabini**_

Not bothering to look up from his book, Blaise did not see Ron stretching out his hand. He sighed.

"Which part of 'Fuck off!' don't you understand?"

_**Ron Weasley**_

Oooh, that voice. It was like all the honey bees had come together and created it just for his Blaisey. And Blaise didn't react badly to him reaching for him either, so Ron threw all caution to the wind and bent over the table, cupped Blaise's face with both hands and planted a huge, wet kiss smack right on his pouty lips.

_**Blaise Zabini**_

_smooch_

Uurgh! What the _fuck_ was that flobberworm doing in his face, and wh-- oh. my. fucking. God.

"WEASLEY, GET -- splfrffmmpff..." insert Weasley's tongue here "...mfgrrrgnah -- GET _OFF_ ME!!" ¹

He pushed the Weasel away with all his might, half pushing himself backwards in doing so. Merlin, that was disgusting! He glared at the redhead.

"Are you deaf or something? This _isn't funny_! Leave me the fuck alone!"

_**Ron Weasley**_

_"Leave me the fuck alone!"_

There might've been other words in that sentence, but unfortunatley for Blaise Ron only heard one; 'fuck!'

He had staggered slightly backwards when Blaise had tried to push him away with his lanky little arms. But all of a sudden he jumped up, scrambled over the table and pounced on the other boy. Blaise fell backwards with an armful of Ron, who wasted no time in straddling him and started to rain kisses all over his face and hair.

"Let's get you out of these stupid clothes so I can have my way with you, my hot little bottom boy. Right here!" Ron tried to rid Blaise of his shirt, hardly even registering Blaise's fists hammering on his broad chest. He had about one inch in height and a ton in weight on the other boy.

_**Blaise Zabini**_

_"L__et's get you out of these stupid clothes so I can have my way with you. Right here!"_

This was getting frightening. Blaise was caught underneath the Weasel and he was being pawed at and those disgusting slobbery lips were everywhere and the smell was horrid and oh my _God_ he's ripping my designer shirt to pieces and did he just call me _bottom boy_ and _aargh_ I need to get him _off_ me and what the hell happened to all those Gryffindork virtues anyway to make him rape me and - wait a moment, that might make him come to his senses! - "Gryffindor! You're a Gryffindor, you nut! You're supposed to be all chivalrous and not _rape people you haven't even dated!_"

Merlin, it was difficult getting the words out without Weasley's tongue invading his mouth again. Blaise just hoped they would be enough to stop this onslaught. He silently promised himself that he would never again kick a puppy if Weasley only released his hold on him.

_**Ron Weasley**_

_"Gryffindor! You're a Gryffindor, you nut! You're supposed to be all chivalrous and not rape people you haven't even dated!"_

Blaise's words registered slowly into Ron's brain. Oh no, what had he done? He had scared his Blaisey! The Gryffindor inside Ron roared and came to life. He wasn't supposed to treat the love of his life like some cheap tart! Merlin's pants, he had almost raped his poor beloved, almost scarred this precious, innocent thing for life. Ron felt very guilty and could've smacked himself for his stupidity. It was just that Blaise had looked so hot, all panting and flustered. Blaise was of course right, they would do this properly.

Ron, still lying on top of the other boy, looked down on him and started petting his hair in what was supposed to be a soothing gesture. "I'm so sorry, baby" he said with a guilty voice, "I got a bit carried away, you being so sexy and talking all dirty to me, you bad Slytherin you." He kissed Blaise lightly on the cheek and stood up, dragging Blaise with him.

"Now, why don't we do this the right way? Next weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend, I'll make reservations with Madame Puddifoot, she has excellent tea and the sweetest cakes. Only the best for you, baby" Ron cooed with a grin and looked starry-eyed at the other boy, arms still firmly around his waist.

_**Blaise Zabini**_

Well, at least the Weasel had gotten off him, but now he was rambling on about going to Hogsmeade... and with that gooey voice and those horrible pet names he was using right now, it wasn't all that much better. And honestly, Madame Puddifoot's? The only time Blaise ever went there was when he was trying to seduce Hufflepuff third years. Besides, the tapestry would clash horribly with Weasley's hair.

But that wasn't important right now, Blaise reminded himself as he tried to wriggle free from the redhead's grip. For the moment, he needed to make Weasley understand that he wasn't interested. He could only hope that whatever hex had been cast on the git would have worn off by tomorrow.

"Weasley, for the last time, I do not fancy you! You're a clumsy idiot, and I prefer blondes anyway! And I most certainly do _not_ want to go to Hogsmeade with you. Now shove off - I need my beauty sleep!"

_**Ron Weasley**_

"Aww, don't be like that, baby. I know you're playing a bit hard to get here, and I respect your virtue and all, but that's a bit harsh, don't you think?" Ron still had that coo in his voice. "But of course, I'll leave you to your beauty sleep, not that you need it though" Ron grinned at Blaise.

He released the firm grip he had on the other boy and kissed him gently goodbye on the cheek, like the true chivalrous Gryffindor that he was. "Now, about next Saturday, I'll make the arrangements with Madame Puddifoot and send you an owl to let you know when I'll come down to your dorms and pick you up, okay baby?" Ron really didn't wait for Blaise's answer, he just waltzed out of the library, turned in the doorway to blow Blaise a kiss and went on his way towards Gryffindor Tower.

_**Blaise Zabini**_

Weasley talked some more nonsense, slobbered all over Blaise's cheek and finally danced out of the library with a smile and an extremely unmanly pirouette; Blaise was finally left on his own. Breathing a sigh of profound relief, he gingerly ² massaged his ribs - he was quite sure that some of them had cracked from Wealey's weight. Thank Merlin for magical healing.

He still had no idea what had made the very straight Gryffindor turn into a sex-craving, Slytherin-loving beast all of a sudden; he had definitely gone way too far for it to be a simple prank. Someone must indeed have hexed him... but what hex, why had they done it, and most importantly, when would it wear off? Questions upon questions, but for now, Blaise decided, the only solution was to go back to his dormitory and avoid Weasley for as long as possible.

Of course, had he given the matter some deeper thought, Blaise might have made the connection between the love-struck Ron and his own Amortentia Love Potion. But unfortunately for him, his constant need of blood for a rather different organ than his brain had led to the latter not functioning as well as it might. And so it was that a very bewildered Blaise Zabini made his way back to the Slytherin dormitories, hoping that it had all been nothing but a bad dream.

_**Ron Weasley**_

The next morning found Ron sitting in his favourite plushy armchair by the fire, sucking ferociously on a sugar quill. He had told a delighted Hermione that he intended to get some homework done, which had resulted in an over-enthusiastic hug and a mouthful of bushy hair. Guh. Of course, Ron had no intention of doing his homework - it was the weekend, after all. Instead, he had decided to write a poem or two... or ten... to his Blaisey, just to make sure he wouldn't forget about him before their Hogsmeade date. Writing poetry was proving quite difficult for Ron's untrained brain, but due to sheer willpower he had actually managed to finish two poems already and was working on a third.

He leaned over to Ginny, who was sitting a couple of armchairs away. "Oi Gin, what rhymes with _cucumber_?!"

_**Blaise Zabini**_

Blaise was sitting quite innocently in the Slytherin common room - well, as innocent as it gets when you're waiting for the illegal love potion which you slipped into a certain blonde's pumpkin juice to take effect. He briefly wondered why the potion was taking so long to show an effect on Draco, who was busily lecturing Pansy on voyeurism in the opposite corner of the room, but soon shook the question off to dwell instead on the pleasant feelings of anticipation that were welling up inside him.

A loud squawk distracted Blaise from his musings - One of the school owls was heading straight for him. The tawny beast dropped a rolled up piece of parchment in his lap, circled around his head twice and flew off again without waiting for a reply. Blaise cocked an eyebrow at the parchment - he didn't recognize the untidy scrawl in which his name was written on it. Curious, he tore off the pink ribbon around the scroll and unrolled the parchment.

His jaw dropped as he read the poem inscribed on it.

_"Blaisey, Blaisey, you drive me crazy  
Yeah, I'm so in love with you  
You flipped your hair  
I'm whipped, so there  
Now I'm gonna wank in the loo!_

_Can't wait for our Hogsmeade date tomorrow!_

_Ron"_

Blaise closed his eyes in dispair. That was one mental image of Weasley which he most definitely did _not_ want. Why hadn't any of his Gryffindork friends figured out that he was confunded yet, anyway?

He considered sending a reply telling the Weasel to stop stalking him, but before he could even reach for his quill, renewed squawking reached his ears. His eyes widened in surprise when he looked up - A whole squadron of school owls was now soaring through the window and making a beeline for him, each of them carrying a scroll of parchment similar to the one he had just received, pink ribbon and all.

As the owls began to pelt him with their respective letters, no small number of said letters began glowing in different colours, dancing around and chanting the poems written inside. Amidst the laughter of his housemates, Blaise gave up all pretense of Slytherin coolness and made a dash for his dormitory, snatches of love poems floating after him in Ron's most gooey voice...

_"Blaise, my little bottom boy, I can't quit thinking of you..."_

_"Every minute we're apart rips chasms in my aching heart..."_

_"Honey, you're as sexy as shepherd's pie..."_

Slamming the door behind him and locking the door with a ward that only he and his roommates could take down, Blaise threw himself down on his bed and vowed not to leave the room until the goddamn Hogsmeade day was over. Hopefully Weasley would have returned to his normal, oafy state by then.

- - -

Footnotes

¹ Yes, internet speech and extended use of capitals is unprofessional. But do you really want a graphic description of that scene? I thought not.

² Bwahaha, pun intended! This is a story about Ron. Gingerly, get it?! xD

- - -

The End of Episode Two, Part One

Reviews light up our day and make us hurry to finish Part Two! ;)


	4. A Fashion Challenged, Freckled Albino

_**Episode Two, Part Two: A Fashion-Challenged, Freckled Albino**_

- - -

Disclaimer:

We own nothing and we make no money out of this. Try to sue us if you like, you're more likely to give us money out of pity once you've seen the state of our bank accounts.

Warnings:

If you've read all the previous chapters and still haven't figured out that this story features homosexual themes in abundance, you are quite clearly retarded. Sorry to break the news.

Authors' Notes:

Yay! Here's the second part of Episode Two! As always, Harry and Blaise were played by Thorion, while Heidi wrote Ron as well as a delightfully uke Draco. Enjoy! Episode Three will be quite a while in coming, but it will once again focus on Harry and Draco; we definitely won't abandon our dear drama queens, never fear!

- - -

_**Ron Weasley**_

The next day, oblivious to Blaise's misery in the dungeons, found Ron happily getting ready for his perfect Hogsmeade date. He had been occupying the bathroom for the last two hours, all the while belting out Celestina Warbeck's 'A Cauldron Full of Hot Strong Love'. He was now preening in front of the mirror, very satisfied with the result. His Blaisey should be more than thrilled about this he thought with satisfaction, maybe he'd even put out at the end of the day. Ron reminded himself that he was a chivalrous Gryffindor, of course. He had scared his Blaisey with his passion in the library the other day; he would not make the same mistake today. He had been owling beautiful love poems to his baby all week long - now if that wasn't being a gentleman Ron didn't know what was. Spelling them to read the poems to his Blaisey-Waisey while dancing had been a stroke of genious, even if he did say so himself.

Ooh, I need to brush my teeth, Ron reminded himself. Now that would've been a terrible mistake. He did want a nice, minty breath when he kissed his Blaiseyboo after all.

_"Oh, come and stir my cauldron  
And if you do it right  
I'll boil you up some hot, strong love  
To keep you warm tonight"_

Ron bellowed out between brushing his teeth, totally ignoring Harry banging on the bathroom door and yelling at him to get out already.

He took one last check in the full view mirror to make sure everything was perfect:

Shoes polished, check.  
Jeans pressed, check.  
Clean shirt, check.  
Orange tie, check.  
Brand new tweed jacket with suade collar, check.  
Teeth brushed, check.  
Hair bleached platinum blond... check.

Satisfied, Ron stepped out of the bathroom and glared at Harry. "Bloody hell, Harry" he scolded his best friend. "Can't a person get ready for his Hogsmeade date in peace without you trying to bang the door down and wake the dead? Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go down to the dungeons and pick up my Blaisey. Take a lesson from me, Harry, don't keep the love of your life with roses on top waiting - it's simply bad taste" Ron finished and skipped out of the dorms towards the dungeons and his Blaisey, a heavy scent of cologne in his wake.

_**Harry Potter**_

Harry was starting to get rather frustrated; he had been banging on the bathroom door for what seemed like half an eternity, and Ron still refused to let him in. What the hell had gotten into him? Normally, he needed five minutes to shower and that was it. And why, dear Circe, was he singing a Celestina Warbeck song, of all godforsaken things on this earth?! Didn't he hate her, if only for the fact that his mother liked her? Harry was getting rather worried.

Just when he was seriously considering whether he should blast open the door to check on Ron, his friend finally emerged from the bathroom.

Harry did a double-take.

No, actually, make that a triple-take. Or an infinity-take. Yes, definately an infinity-take. Some slight, Hermione-like part of Harry's brain protested feebly that there was no such thing, but it was studiously ignored.

Ron was hardly recognizable: For one thing, he was wearing clean, well-pressed clothes; but sadly, that was the only positive aspect of his new look. The hideous tweed jacket which he was wearing covered an atrocious orange tie which really _should_ have clashed horribly with Ron's ginger hair, but wasn't because the oaf had gone and _dyed it platinum blonde_.

What in the name of all holy undead underpants was all this about?

As Ron exclaimed something about _Hogsmeade date, dungeons, Blaisey_, and _love of his life_, all Harry could do was stand and goggle at him. It wasn't until his usually stiff friend had practically _skipped_ out of the dormitory that he was spurred back into action.

Something was very wrong, and Harry was going to find out what. Remembering Ron's earlier words, he rushed off in the direction of the dungeons. Maybe he could catch up with Ron before he embarassed himself, but either way, that public danger Blaise had some explaining to do.

_**Draco Malfoy**_

Draco had woken up with a cold that day and was now pulled away from his pity-party on the softest couch in the common room by an ungodly racket outside the entrance. There was shouting and banging, and he could swear he heard some terribly off-key singing in between. Well, nobody would be able to wallow in their misery in this dreadful noise. And since it was such a beautiful day outside, and a Hogsmeade Weekend, the Slytherin quarters was totally empty. Sans himself, who was waiting for Harry to come visit, and Blaise, who had behaved really weird these last days and who was currently hiding in his bed with the drapes shut. So now Draco had to endure the tedious task of answering the door himself, like he was some kind of house elf. The sacrifices one has to make, Draco thought with a dramatic sigh as he shuffled towards the entrance while dragging a blanket behind him, tissues scattering everywhere. He was wearing his comfort clothes; a pair of low riding grey sweatpants, a tight red t-shirt with a gold letter 'H' on the front, and a pair of fluffy lion slippers. He was feeling quite under the weather today after all, not at all his pleasant and cheery self; and he planned to complain incessantly to Harry about the fact when he arrived.

Little could have prepared Draco for the sight that attacked his eyes when he opened the portrait to the entrance. Is that Ronald Weasley? Why is he grinning like an idiot? Sweet Merlin, what is he wearing? Is that an _orange_ tie? Honestly, Weasley should know by now that orange clashes horribly with that red ha- ...wait a minute! Insert blinking and eye rubbing here. Nope, didn't help one bit. It's still _blonde_!! And not only blonde, it's like platinum blonde with sort of a sick orange tinge to it. Draco, who had never thought anything could look more horrible on Weasley than the red hair, had been sadly mistaken. Here was one blonde who definitely wasn't going to have more fun than the average guy.

Weasley didn't even wait for Draco to open his mouth, he simply pushed past him and kept shouting for his... what was that he was saying? Bwaiseybottom? Just as Ron was disappearing straight towards Draco's dorms, as if he knew the place like the back of his hand, Harry came running through the entrance. Draco sniffled through his red, blocked nose, tapped his foot impatiently and looked up at his boyfriend.

"Harry, love" he said in a raspy voice. "Can you tell me what, exactly, Weasley is doing in _my_ sleeping quarters, why he looks like a fashion-challenged, freckled albino and why he's singing like a tortured banshee? And what the _hell_ is a bwaiseybottom?" He sniffed once more for dramatic effect.

_**Harry Potter**_

It was a very out-of-breath Harry who finally reached the Slytherin common room, just in time to glimpse a whirl of painfully out-of-place blond hair and orange tie disappearing towards the sixth year dormitories. Before he could continue his pursuit of Ron however, he found himself face to face with a rather disgruntled-looking Draco.

_"Harry, love... Can you tell me what, exactly, Weasley is doing in_ my _sleeping quarters, why he looks like a fashion challenged, freckled albino and why he's singing like a tortured banshee? And what the_ hell _is a bwaiseybottom?"_

At this point, Harry's brain stopped working. Ron's suspicious behaviour was bad enough, but what with Draco turning up looking all adorable in Gryffindor colours, yet quite obviously a bit under the weather, annoyed, and on top of it all talking about bwaiseybottoms... It was simply too much. There's only so much the Saviour of the Wizarding World can take, after all.

"Guh", he managed.

Draco raised a single, elegant eyebrow. Harry struggled to explain.

"Gah", he elaborated, gesturing wildly, "Goh!"

Dammit, this wasn't working! Harry closed his eyes and did his best not to picture the way Draco's t-shirt clung to his perfect torso. His boyfriend was ill, for God's sake, he shouldn't be thinking of ravishing him! Besides, Ron needed their help right now. He focussed, and finally managed to get the words out.

"I think Zabini hexed Ron to make him fall in love with him, somehow. Maybe he wants revenge for the entrance hall incident, and he's trying to hurt me by confunding my friends or something. I don't know. Either way, we need to rescue Ron, come on!"

And with that, Harry started off in the direction of the dormitories, having decided that it was best to act quickly, before he gave in to the temptation and ravished Draco, after all.

_**Draco Malfoy**_

Draco pinched the bridge of his nose. He did so not need all this drama right now. If anybody should be causing a drama here it was him - he was the one being ill after all, he thought indignantly. Nevertheless, if clearing up this mess was what it would take to allow him to go back to his pity-party on the couch and receive some Harry-loving while he was at it, he'd better follow Harry and help sort it out somehow. He sniffled dramatically and shuffled after his boyfriend, still dragging his blanket behind him.

When they reached the dormitories they were met by a fairly amusing sight; Weasley had his arms firmly around Blaise's waist trying to drag him with him, the latter was holding on to the bedpost for dear life, screaming something about nutcase bleached Gryffindors and not being anybody's bwaiseybottom. Whereupon Weasley responded in a gooey voice that he loved it when Blaise was playing hard to get and didn't he like his new look, he had dyed his hair especially for him, hadn't he said that he preferred blondes? All the while with that glazed over look on his face.

If he didn't have such a splitting headache he would laugh himself silly, Draco thought.

But the racket was becoming too much for Draco's fragile head - poor Harry was now trying to pry Weasley away from Blaise and screaming too. Draco walked determinedly over to his bedside table and picked up his wand. When he returned to the three-headed troll by Blaise's bedpost, he pointed it first at Weasley and then at Blaise; "Petrificus Totalis!" They both went totally rigid, arms at their sides, and fell on their backs, leaving Harry free of his struggles.

"Now, finally some peace and quiet" Draco said with relief. "What I don't understand is why Blaise would dose Weasley of all people up with the Amortentia Love Potion." Draco's potion expertise enabled him to instantly recognize the symptons of that particular potion, the strongest one on the market. "For one thing, he always said he'd rather kiss a blast-ended screwt than a Weasley. And secondly, it's a highly dangerous potion, he'd be in real trouble if anybody found out he'd been brewing it inside the school grounds" he said in a thoughtful voice, while scratching his head with his wand and looking at Harry with a puzzled expression on his face.

_**Harry Potter**_

Harry had the good grace to look slightly abashed when he realized that his screaming had been giving Draco a headache. He did tend to get rather carried away easily, and his rashness prevented thoughts like 'simply petrify them instead of throwing yourself in their midst, prying at Ron while he's hanging onto Zabini like a grindylow, and screaming your head off' from entering his brain in the heat of the moment.

_"What I don't understand is why Blaise would dose Weasley of all people up with the Amortentia Love Potion. He always said he'd rather kiss a blast-ended screwt than a Weasley,"_ Draco was saying.

Harry glared at the petrified Blaise. "Amortentia, you say? I have no idea how or why he did it, but I'm sure he was up to no good," he huffed, "Poor Ron's been over the moon ever since the day I was late for Quidditch practise, remember? Dunno if that helps..." Harry knew that Draco was the school's potions expert; if anyone could figure out all this, it was him.

_**Draco Malfoy**_

_"Poor Ron's been over the moon ever since the day I was late for Quidditch practise, remember? Dunno if that helps..."_

Draco got a hard look in his eyes as he walked over to where the petrified Blaise was laying. "_You!_" he screamed at his 'friend' while poking his wand into Blaise's chest. "The day you came over at the Gryffindor table, 'apologizing' for your behaviour. You sneaked that blasted love potion into my pumpkin juice, didn't you? But guess what '_Bwaiseybottom_', I never got a chance to drink that juice - Ron drank it instead, being his usual ill-mannered self."

_**Harry Potter**_

"_You sneaked that blasted love potion into my pumpkin juice, didn't you? But guess what _'Bwaiseybottom'_, I never got a chance to drink that juice - Ron drank it instead, being his usual ill-mannered self."_

Draco looked absolutely livid, but that was nothing compared to Harry. In fact, the scene bore disturbing resemblance to a certain entrance hall incident. Harry felt his eyes narrow to slits, felt his wand jump into his hand and the air crackle around him in furious energy. He should have finished off Blaise completely, he just knew it. Well, this time there would be no--

Draco's hand on his chest stopped his advance; his boyfriend ran a calming hand over Harry's cheek. "Put down your wand, love," Draco said sweetly, "Let me deal with him; I don't want my boyfriend to land himself in Azkaban. And I swear to Merlin I'll make him sorry he was ever born even without hexing him."

Though initially sceptic, Harry lowered his wand and felt the worst bout of rage pass. And as Draco turned back to Blaise and began screaming, he reflected that Blaise wasn't getting off easy, after all.

_**Draco Malfoy**_

Having calmed his boyfriend and thus prevented Blaise from getting himself killed, Draco turned back to his former friend. The serene mask that he had managed to put up while dealing with Harry instantly vanished; all his fury was back in an instant.

"You _bastard_!", he screamed, "All this to get in my pants? I thought you were my friend, at least you used to be. We've known each other since our mothers made us wear matching sailor suits, for Merlin's sake." Draco was so angry now he had a hard time suppressing his tears.

"You know the hell I've been living in at home the last years better than anybody, and now that I'm finally happy you want to tear that down? Why would you do such a thing, Blaise? Just to get another notch in your bedpost? A trophy? Something to gloat about?" Draco wiped away his angry tears with the back of his hand as he spoke. "Do you honestly fathom what would've happened if I'd actually drunk that potion? _Do you_?" Blaise could do nothing in his petrified state other than stare wide-eyed at Draco, but he surely heard every word. And Draco was by no means finished, it all seemed to bubble to the surface. "I tell you what would've happened, Blaise _dear_. I would've thrown myself at your feet, you would've fucked me on every available surface, and the next day you'd have thrown me away like a used piece of trash, and me and Harry would have been _history_. Then of course you would've gloated about it to half the school, and next you know I'd have been known as the new Hogwarts slut. _That's_ what would've happened!" Draco screamed at Blaise. "And with all the _shit_ I've had to deal with my whole life, you just thought you'd put the proverbial icing on the cake? It's not enough that my last name ensures that most doors be slammed in my face for the rest of my life, nooo, let's add 'slut' to the equation!" he said with voice dripping of sarcasm.

"I don't know if I'll ever forgive you for this, Blaise. I know you have a shitty life yourself; with that bitchy, selfcentered mother you always complain about and an armada of step fathers, your morals are bound to be fucked up. But you have some serious apologizing to do, not only to me, but to Weasley too" Draco said dejectedly and nodded in Ron's direction. "And if you try to hit on me again, I swear I'll rat on you to professor Snape about brewing an illegal potion. Or I'll give Harry free reign to hex you into next century." Draco finished his tirade, went over to his boyfriend and buried his face in his chest, exhausted and embarrassed about the crying.

_**Blaise Zabini**_

As Draco turned away to bury his face in Potter's chest, Blaise felt a tinge of regret. He honestly hadn't thought about the consequences which a love potion would entail for Draco's longterm relationship. Maybe he _was_ just a little bit centered on sex. But that was just his insatiable libido talking; not his fault now, was it?

Either way, between his traumatizing experience with a lovestruck Weasley, the fury in those dreadful green eyes of Potter's - a fury which had cost him several days in the hospital only a short while ago, Blaise reminded himself - and Draco's speech, he decided with a heavy heart that it really would be for the better if he gave up on Draco. Him and Potter did somehow belong together, Blaise had to grudgingly agree...

Some of his regret must have shown in his eyes, for Potter raised his wand and un-petrified him before turning his attention back to Draco. Blaise scrambled to his feet and scarpered.

He was Blaise 'Playboy' Zabini, and damned if he let one single failed conquest get at him; there were plenty more fish in the sea, after all. Maybe he would go and write a few love owls right now, in fact. He rather felt like chatting up that feisty brainkitten Granger...

_**Draco Malfoy**_

A couple of hours later, Draco had finally finished brewing the antidote for the Amortentia Love Potion. It was fairly easy to brew and he'd had all the ingredients he needed in his potions storage in his cupboard. Weasley was still petrified - Harry had wanted to lift the spell, but Draco had reminded him that Ron was still under the influence of the very strong potion. If he was un-petrified he'd just go running after Blaise, or worse, start up with that godawful singing again. Harry had to agree with him on that and had only levitated Ron up into Zabini's bed so he'd be a bit more comfortable.

"I still don't get why you couldn't just levitate him back to Gryffindor Tower and have Granger do this. I mean, I know I am an absolute genious with potions, but I'm fairly sure she would've managed just fine too. This is seriously destroying all the plans I had for the day. I mean, just look at my nails, I haven't even had the time to do my manicure today," Draco complained and pointed a perfectly manicured finger in Harry's direction. "And do you realize that you haven't even kissed me today?" he asked, his voice quivering a bit. "And don't just sit there fussing over Weasley, make yourself useful and do something about his hair colour. It hurts my eyes, I need sunglasses just to look in his direction," he added with distaste.

He carefully lifted a beetle out of a jar, used his silver knife to squeeze it flat and made sure all the juice went into the potion who was currently bubbling in his cauldron. He stirred it two times and the potion took on a light yellow colour and the smell of rotten peaches. Perfect; it was done. Draco took out a vial and filled it with the antidote. Hmm, he had a thought; what if some godforsaken soul tried to dose his Harry up with that love potion? A finished antidote would sure come in handy. He pulled out three more vials, filled and corked them. Better safe than sorry.

"Here you go," Draco said and walked over to Harry who was sitting on a chair at Weasley's bedside. "You know, the only two good things that came out of this is that my cold seems to have disappeared, and I have Weasley teasing material enough to last the rest of the school year," he said, feeling very self-satisfied all of a sudden. He held the vial out, just out of Harry's reach, "I'll trade you this for a kiss," he said with a smirk and batted his eyelashes at his boyfriend.

_**Harry Potter**_

Harry had been sitting by Ron's bedside, pretending to care for his friend while actually watching Draco from the corner of his eye. He wasn't about to tell his boyfriend, but the reason he had asked him to brew the potion rather than Hermione was that Draco had the delightful habit of wiggling his arse in a frightfully cute manner while stirring potions. And right now, Harry had a prime seat to watch and imagine the wonderous things he would do to that arse later.

Whoever said Harry Potter didn't have a Slytherin side?

_"__And don't just sit there fussing over Weasley, make yourself useful and do something about his hair colour. It hurts my eyes, I need sunglasses just to look in his direction__"_

He had to admit, his blonde really did have a point about Ron's newly aquired hair colour. Why on earth hadn't he thought of this himself? Being around Draco seriously messed with his normally highly functioning brain, Harry decided. It came from being so horny all the time, especially when the git had the nerve to walk around looking all adorable and sexy in that tight shirt and those too-cute slippers.

He pulled out his wand from his back pocket, waved it in the direction of Ron's head and cast the proper spell. Ron's hair gradually changed back to the usual red colour. One wouldn't have thought so, but it was a vast improvement. "You'll be right as rain soon, Ron" he said to his friend. "You'll be completely humiliated and embarrassed, but at least you'll be your normal, straight self. I kinda think I prefer you that way, buddy."

When Draco had finally completed the potion and came to Harry's side bearing a vial of light yellow liquid and demanding a kiss in exchange, Harry settled for only a quick peck on his boyfriend's lips, knowing that anything else would have him on top of Draco before you could say 'natural blond'. And with Ron lying next to them, petrified but conscious of his surroundings, this was definitely _not_ a good idea.

Instead, Harry turned his attention back to Ron. Holding his mouth open with one hand, he let the antidote trickle down his friend's throat before setting aside the empty vial, grabbing his wand and un-petrifying Ron. As the latter sat up, looking slightly confused, Harry held his breath. The moment of truth had arrived...

_**Draco Malfoy**_

Draco was a bit huffy; what a sorry excuse for a kiss his boyfriend has offered - one might think Harry wasn't lucky enough to be dating the most gorgeous guy in school! But then he saw the clear lust in Harry's eyes and felt immensely better. Hotness was surely coming his way, just as soon as Weasley got his arse out of the Slytherin dorms.

Ron was now sitting bolt upright in bed, looking very confused. Well, nothing new about that, he thought. But he noticed that the glazeness of Ron's eyes slowly disappeared - his antidote had worked then. No big surprise considering who had brewed the thing, he thought smugly.

"Well, well. Welcome back to the land of the normal living, Weasley" Draco teased, his patented smirk in place. "Now, for the next time, could you please up your singing material a little? I mean, come on, Celestina Warbeck? Even my mother turns off the wireless when she's on," Draco added with a smirk. "I'm sorry to say though, your Bwaiseybottom has left the building for the time being, but if you want I'm sure you could leave some beautiful love poems at his bedside table." Draco snickered, while Ron groaned and buried his face in his hands...

_**Ron Weasley**_

Ron was embarrassed. No, strike that, he was beyond embarrassed. Embarrassed would be a huge step up right now. Oh he was going to kick some Zabini ass the next time he saw him. Except Ron really hoped he never laid eyes on that worm again, like ever. Oh. My. God! He had kissed the bastard, and touched and groped and licked... eww! And the nicknames, the goddamn nicknames. Ron felt nauseous just thinking about it.

It didn't help one iota that Malfoy the Menace was obviously enjoying himself way too much over this. Oh no, he had to mention the poems. Ron had forgotten about that for a second. It all came back to him now... _Blaisey Blaisey, you drive me crazy_... Shit! Where was Hermione with her timeturner when you needed her? Ron groaned and buried his face in his hands. This was simply _not_ happening - now he had to endure endless teasing from the Ferret as well. The world was a very, very unfair place, Ron decided and hung his head in shame.

But then his face lit up in a huge, earsplitting grin; "Oi! Malfoy, you evil Slytherin git! Are those _fluffy lion slippers?!_"

And with Draco now almost as embarrassed as he himself had been, Ron left the dungeons, his laughter heard all the way back to Gryffindor Tower. Thank Merlin, there was still some justice in this world.

_**Draco Malfoy**_

Draco could have kicked himself for not remembering the slippers. Damn, he should have taken them off before reviving Weasley; no one apart from Harry was meant to even know they existed, and now the news would be all over school. His reputation would be _ruined_. Draco moaned in desperation.

He got over it fast though. Being ravashed by the Saviour of the Wizarding World required his full attention, after all. But for some peculiar reason, Harry had insisted that he keep the lion slippers on...

- - -

The End of Episode Two

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